Why I changed my views on health

Ok, I want to start out by saying that I love nutrition and fitness... now... but that was not always the case!

Throw back to 8 year old Claire. My friend had just asked me to go on "the wilderness trip"! A camping trip that involved hiking down into a canyon in New Mexico to camp out for the weekend! I was stoked! I still have pictures of standing there ready to hike. Enthusiastic to spend an amazing weekend in the forest with one of my best friends! THEN WE STARTED HIKING! At 8 years old, I was having a hard time breathing, I was getting cramps in my side, I wanted to puke, my legs were giving out... I decided that day that I hated working out!

I continued in my little life... playing little league softball, and one year of basketball. They ALWAYS made me run! Which I absolutely despised! I ended up hating sports and never wanted to go back. Then in Jr. High I decided to be a cheerleader! Loads of fun right? I actually enjoyed it for the most part (I loved dancing). But once again I was required to run and exercise and stretch and do all of those horrible things that I had decided I hated when I was 8!

I never said I as a cute child! :)

On top of hating physical exercise... I also hated food! Correction, I hated certain foods! I was a picky eater who wouldn't eat it unless it had cheese or bread! I wouldn't eat fish, pasta, carrots, eggs... I honestly lived off of cheese crisps and bologna sandwiches. I loved soda and any kind of sweets! After cheer leading I gave up all kinds of fitness. I didn't workout or do much physical activity at all! On top of that I hit puberty... Enter hips, boobs and all these other things that completely changed my body!

Homecoming Senior year! 180 lbs size 12!

From that time on I started packing away the lbs. I went from one of the tiny stick figure girls to curvy and busty over night. I continued to eat like crap and treat physical exercise like it was the worst type of torture. When I got to college, I continued to load on the lbs. I had to walk up hill to all of my college classes and seriously thought I would die! I left early so that I could take my time and rest whenever I needed to. If I was running late then I just wouldn't go to class because I didn't want to show up winded and sweaty.

That's me in the blue! Pushing 190 lbs... Size 14

At this time I also started donating plasma (starving college student desperate for $$$). After a few times they started to deny me. My heart rate was too high. I had felt my heart pounding in my chest but never considered it. Well, I went to the doctor, had EKG's and heart monitors (all at the ripe old age of 20) and discovered that I had Tachycardia or rapid heart rate. That was the nail in the coffin of my health life. I completely gave up on any physical activity.

Flash forward 5 years and I'm marrying the love of my life! My chunky arms barely fit in my dress but I knew he loved me! We went for a short "hike" down a flat road and I ended up getting a stress fracture in my foot! Seriously guys... the "hike" was a walk and there is no reason for me to have broken my foot!

I wouldn't be where I am without this man!
200lbs... size 16

After two years of feeling like absolute crap and hating myself, how I looked, how I felt, and just everything about my life... A friend reached out and invited me to a free 2 week workout accountability group. I decided to give it a try! I worked out for two weeks straight, every single day, and didn't give up. For the first time in my life I didn't give up! She then invited me to do the 21 Day Fix and Shakeology! I decided I was ALL IN! My hubby got on board and helped me stick with it and after 21 Days I was down 15 lbs and over 10 inches! I kept going for 5 rounds and lost 30-40 lbs all together and was fitting into the same size of jeans that I wore in High School! After 6 months I was down 60 lbs and fit into the same size of jeans I was wearing when I STARTED High School!

Before.. Ashley's wedding- 320 lbs size 17 and growing! After- Meeting Autumn Calbrese creator of 21 Day Fix! I owe this woman!

The day I cried in the fitting room because the woman had to bring me a smaller size!

February 175 lbs size 12!

I felt better in ways that I never knew were possible! I had energy, mental clarity, a desire to get up and do things.... I was loving my life again! In fact I felt like it was my life again. I reclaimed who I was always meant to be.

Down 60 lbs and nearly 40 inches! Up in confidence, self control and happiness!

Now, a year and two months later, I still eat healthy (almost every day). I workout every day. I drink at least 100 oz of water a day! I drink Shakeology every day! I am a completely different and more confident person! I have realized what it really means to be healthy and to love the skin you're in! I have proven to myself and my family that it is possible to reclaim your life if you are willing to work for it! I am considering going back to school to get a masters degree in nutrition, because this is my passion! This is my life work! This is my chance to TEACH people things that will truly transform every aspect of their life!

My favorite meal of the day! Dense nutrition, craving control, and deliciousness!

I love being a health and fitness coach and I thank my Heavenly Father every day for the opportunity that I have to share my journey with others!

Revolving Door

I have been having the hardest time deciding what I want to do with my life. Yes, I am a teacher. Yes, I am a Beachbody coach. I am not feeling super successful as a coach. But, I am feeling even less successful as a teacher!

I recently changed to teaching 5th grade... hoping that it would bring a bit more joy into teaching. That has not happened! In fact, I struggle daily to get myself into work. Why you ask?

As a teacher I feel that everything is my fault. A child is failing? I didn't help them enough (never mind that they haven't turned in a single assignment). Kids are fighting on the playground? I obviously am not watching closely enough. Students are rude and disrespectful? I haven't been doing my job and teaching the proper behavior.

It is incredibly frustrating! I LOVE TEACHING! I love the art of presenting information to students. I love when the light bulb comes one and they "get it"! I love teasing kids and listening to their stories. I love being taught by them! I love feeling like I have a purpose. BUT,  that purpose has been clouded and is almost impossible to find now. I dread going to work and I hate thinking about it. I have nightmares about teaching and am stressed beyond reason.

So what do I do? Quit my dream job? The only thing I have ever wanted to do? Or stay and hate every day? I am at a loss! Some days I say I am done and will never go back... actually most days I do that. But I will also be leaving behind my passion! And it truly is a passion!

Well, I finally came to a decision. I am going to work my Beachbody business. I am going to grow that business and love every minute. Because I get to teach! I get to help people! I get to see them grow and learn to love something new! I get to hear their stories and talk to them.

With Beachbody, I am not giving up my dream job. I'm doing my dream job on my own terms! Does this mean I am quitting my classroom? Not, today. I can't afford to do that yet. But It is on the horizon! I will be able to walk out of the classroom one day and never HAVE to look back. I may end up back in the classroom at some point but it will be because that's what I want more than anything else. And I don't see that happening until something about public education changes!

So This Is Love....

It's been ages since I last posted. I thought I was done with blogging. Then, today, I decided I still have things I need to say. So first let's have a few updates!

I got married on May 17, 2014. I married Dylan, a guy I have known since I was five. I had a crush on him growing up, but we were so different. I never thought there was a future there, so I never pursued it. During some tough times we reconnected on Facebook. We started talking about life and everything. Come to find out, he had always liked me too! Well, the rest is history! He is an amazing man and has quickly become my whole world. He is brave and strong and more than I ever dreamed I could have. It has not been easy.

Those differences I mentioned earlier are still there, and they have caused arguments. The best thing about our marriage is that we accept each other. We only saw one another twice before we got married. Our romance was all over the phone since he was in the Army and stationed in Hawaii. We were also apart for the first few month of our marriage, because I accepted a job at home before we got married. This may sound hard and like a pity party, but I can promise that we would not have ended up together otherwise. Our relationship works because, for months, our only choice was to talk. We grew so close because we know we can talk to each other about anything. This has been the highlight of our relationship. I know him inside and out and he knows me better than anyone ever has. We find strength in that fact and it has helped us through those hard times.

Now, I'm sure the universe -because who else would read this- is curious to know why I was compelled to blog again. Well, knowing that I teach children, one could easily guess that I absolutely love kids. I have always wanted to be a  mother and raise little ones. Now that I'm married, that's the next big question everyone asks... "When are you having kids?".

First, a warning, be careful about asking someone this question. You do not know what is going on in their life, it can cause more heartache than you intend. It also makes you seem nosy, but I will admit that I was always the first to ask new couples this.

My husband and I are not trying to have children right now. He never wanted children or marriage, he is adjusting to these changes. But we do plan on having children! We are also in the process of figuring out where we want to move for Dylan to finish college. It is not a great time for kids in our life, which I hate to admit.

 Now, we have had scares. We have had a two major pregnancy "scares" when we were left wondering what we would do or how our lives would change. The most memorable of these incidences for me was when my husband started getting excited, talking about how we would announce the gender and names... When we found out I was not carrying a baby, I was crushed. My heart died inside me that day and Dylan was there to pick up the pieces and hold me together. We both struggled and had long nights and days, dealing with the new reality.

A couple months ago, after another of these incidents, I was talking to my husband about having children. He told me that, he had a fertility test done. He was injured while in Afghanistan and they told him it could cause fertility problems, so he had a test done. Well, as it turns out, my husband and I will probably not be able to have children. Notice, I say "my husband and I". I do not blame him for this. I chose him and I have had a feeling that conceiving children would not be easy. Now I know that for a fact.

Once again, my soul was crushed, all of those hopes and dreams I had were falling apart. Once again, my husband helped put the pieces back together. I had always felt that we would have a hard time having children, but I once you have proof of your suspicions... needless to say, it is still hard to take.

In the aftermath of this revelation, we started talking about our options. My husband is a firm believer in saving things. He wants to save any animal we see on the side of the road, whether they have a home or not. He is an amazing man with a big heart. While discussing our options, we discussed IVF. Dylan went straight into saving mode. He asked why we should pay thousands of dollars to have "our own child" when we could save a child in need of a home. I wholeheartedly agreed. We decided that adoption is the best option for us.

Since then, we have looked into the many different forms of adoption: fostering, international adoption, and domestic adoption. We are still trying to work out what is best for our family, but it has been full of ups and downs. Meeting kids who have the potential to be our adoptive children and having other people step in. We (mostly I) have had my heart twisted and torn a million times. This has not been an easy decision or process. Now, through prayer and blessings, I have come to the decision that the best way for me to handle this is to wait. Time will bring my children, in one way or another. I want them desperately but they are not in the cards for us right now.

For this reason, I reiterate, please, please, please, do not ask people when they are having kids. You have no idea how it causes a heart to break.

After all of this, which has mostly happened since August, I can honestly say that I am blessed to be married to my husband. He brings me faith and strength that I would not otherwise have access to. He puts up with my moods and with me changing my mind almost daily. He weathers the storms and stands as a rock, keeping me steadfast as the waves break over me, threatening to pull me down. He is my world and he is going to be the father of our children one day. I can't imagine life without him. Every day I wake up grateful that he reached out to me during my darkest of days and pulled me towards the light. Dylan is the reason I wake up in the morning and the reason I smile in my sleep. I wish every woman could find a man as perfectly suited to her as my husband is to me. I could carry on like this for hours. But, I will end by saying, love is not easy. It is possibly the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also the most fulfilling and worthwhile part of my life. So this is love...

Easy as Pi/ Eye of the Tiger

     Life of Pi; a beautiful movie adapted from a book I have yet to read. A movie that moved me to tears. A movie that changed me.

     Richard Parker is the name of the ferociously magnificent tiger in this story. He is the companion of a young man on a lifeboat in the middle of the Pacific for 277 days. During these days Pi (the boy) and Richard Parker (the tiger) fight, help, frighten, and save one another. Neither could have made it safely back to civilization without the other.

     So where does the life change come in? Why did this movie affect me so deeply? The answer is in the metaphor.

     In this life we are all "shipwrecked". We've been dropped into the middle of the sea and left to survive and find a way home. Help comes in the form of rain, mysterious islands, flying fish, and many other things. In our metaphor those "things" are really people or experiences that renew our strength and give us hope.

     On this journey, being lost at sea, we have a companion. He is ferocious and beautiful. He is wild and intriguing. After some time, fights, struggles, and triumphs we begin to feel that he is our friend. Anything that helps us survive and stay sane for that long must feel some friendliness or debt to us. So when we get to land and we feel safe again, we look over at our comrade and expect a look of gratitude; a farewell gland; a sign of our mutual achievement. Alas, in the end Richard Parker, our magnificent companion walks away. He doesn't even look back.

     The tiger in our scenario can be equated to Satan: the devil, the great deceiver, our enemy. Without him we could not reach our final destination. We would not become strong. Our journey would end abruptly with little to no growth. Our sanity would be tried and our level of alertness would be dismal at best. Sometimes we trick ourselves into thinking he is our friend. That, at the end of this journey, we can maintain some of that bond. But Richard Parker is a tiger; Satan is the devil.

     Just as the tiger only used Pi to survive on this journey, the devil's only purpose is to lead us away from what we believe. He can lull us into a false sense of security. A tiger is a tiger. If he is given the chance to turn on you he will.

     So we must stay alert. We have to remember that, although we share this journey with Satan, he will always walk away at the end. Will we use his presence to motivate us or will we be tricked into believing he is not what he seems?

     Just remember tigers (and the devil) can't change their stripes. They are what they are and if we remember that we can make it through: easy as Pi.

Awake and Arise

Morning. In my world morning is a synonym for torture. The sun shines brightly, the birds sing, and everything wakes up new and refreshed. Don't get me wrong, mornings are beautiful. They can be enjoyed. But mornings mean that I have to wake up. Since I'm a night person, this is a real chore and I'm seldom happy about it. What good could ever come from having to get out of bed?

Flash back almost 200 years; it's an early in the morning in the early spring. The sun is slowly fighting off the chill of the night. You are sitting in a field near a family farm in New York. You hear a door creek open and look over at the house. A boy of about 14 is walking out of the house with a look of determination radiating from his countenance. He walks to the trees and disappears in the green wood. You sit and contemplate what would drive a boy that age to venture into the words so early on a cold morning. But life goes on and you soon forget what you saw.

A few days later you see that face again. But is has changed. Instead of determination, you see peace, humility, and a light that seems to shine from the face of this ordinary 14 year old farm boy. What could cause such a change?

The next day, determination fills your soul as you arise with the sun. You follow the young man's path into the woods; searching desperately for a sign of his secret transformation. You come upon a clearing and your heart catches fire. It looks like many clearing you have seen but the warmth in your chest drives you to your knees. 

Your knees hit the grass and foliage that is packed down, as if someone knelt here before. You look up at the sky and see a shaft of light breaking through the green canopy. It's the most beautiful thing you've seen in years. It's so peaceful and quiet.

You clasp your hands together and start pouring out your heart. You know the Lord is near. You can feel it in every breath you take and in the still of the grove. You lose track of how long you've been praying; but the tears on your cheeks have dried and left stiff salt trails down your face. You leave the grove with a new humility, a new faith, a new light.

Elder Kikuchi, in a devotional at BYU- Idaho stated, "Morning is a symbol of the resurrection." How many mornings do you spend with your Savior?

Joseph Smith Jr. entered the Sacred Grove in the morning. He knelt and prayed to our Father in Heaven in a secluded peaceful place. He did all of this right after waking and he was blessed.

How often do we seek out our own Sacred Grove, our own quiet safe place where we can commune with our Father in Heaven? How many mornings do we awake with an eye set so firmly on the council of our creator that we are driven to our knees?

You Might Be An Elementary Education Major If......

So I love my major, and not to brag but I feel like I'm pretty good at it! I love that I can do silly things and no one judges me. For instance, You may be an elementary education major if...

 You make your friends play Chinese Jump Rope with you in the park in preparation for a P.E. lesson. And just so we're clear, Katie and I are in fact playing Cats Cradle in this picture. We didn't get any of the actual Chinese Jump Rope game.

 You use your compass and protractor to draw a turtle in the middle of Literacy class and name him something like Simeon. Now Simeon Miles (thanks for the last name Wes) is a turtle from Zimbabwe. He is wearing a beanie because it's kinda cold. :)

 You actually own more than two books of construction paper, various animal stickers, letter stickers, more than two coloring books, and construction paper scraps from previous projects.

 You own an entire pencil box full of colored pencils, markers, and crayons. In addition, you own a jumbo pack of markers and any given kind of tool to teach math: geo boards, counters, various shapes, and the counting blocks with one, ten, or a hundred.

 You own and know how to use a Chinese Jump Rope and chalk. Not to mention the fact that you scoured ebay in order to find that Chinese Jump Rope and you actually also have one at home.

You find an empty box in the middle of the floor and automatically find your construction paper and glue stick in order to make a puppet show box, including two minuscule puppets out of twist ties. And you make up an entire life story for said puppets (they got a bad spray tan, don't ask). 

And finally, a person can't put a piece of paper in front of you when you are bored because you will do something like draw a dancing robot on it named Mirmin. He actually works in a grocery store and dances in his free time to "recharge his batteries".

So if you do all of these things and don't have any children that you are doing them for, then maybe just maybe you should become an Elementary Ed major!

Oh did I mention you have to have a very strange imagination to be in my major?!?

50 Questions to Free Your Soul

I totally stole this from Jaime. It just looked like it was a good way to spend a few minutes. I love questions that require thought.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

That’s an interesting question. Based on looks people tend to think I’m a lot younger than I am (generally 15 or 16) but I’ve always been able to identify well with older people. I’ve never had a problem talking to adults or making myself heard. So I would say maybe 25 or 26? I feel like I’m a lot older than I am in some ways and a lot younger in others. It just depends on the situation.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?

This one is tough. I hate failing. I tend to take it very personally and harp on it a long time. But I also know that I regret the times in my life that I walked away from an opportunity without trying something. So I have to say never trying. I don’t like living my life in what if’s.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

I know that I start to dislike things that are repetitive. The dream of being able to do something makes me automatically like it because it is different from the norm. But I also know from experience that a lot of the things that I just know I will enjoy end up being some of my worst experiences. So I like to live my life doing things that don’t always make me happy but that bring me the most happiness in the long run. As for the things I don’t do, well those I save for dreams. Because in my dreams they are perfect and make me happy.

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

Probably, I’m really good at talking about doing things. It’s harder for me to act on them. But I also think there is great value in talking and I happen to be great at it. But I do hope they are somewhat equal and that the things I do end up reflecting the things I say I will do.

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

I would change all of the bitterness and hate. Life’s too short to spend hating each other. If we (especially me) could all focus more on all of the great things that each person brings to this world, we would all be much happier and we would find that every day would be easier.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Ok so this is totally cheesy but I would have to say teaching, writing, loving… I absolutely love teaching. Children are so happy and so willing to learn and it makes me happy to be able to give them that. I would also like to write. I may not be good at it but it brings me a great deal of happiness and peace. But mostly I would be rich if I got paid for loving people. I find it very easy to love people and I think that it’s what brings me the most happiness. The genuine concern I have for my fellow men.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

This depends on the day. A lot of the time I settle for what I am doing because I’m afraid to reach for more. But I do my best to do what I believe and to live the way I believe I should. But I do have my low points where settling is the most I can manage.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

I wouldn’t spend nearly as much time on the computer. Or watching movies. I would have a lot more human interaction and I would work harder in school. I would do my best to make a change in the world instead of waiting for a better opportunity. But I would continue reading. Reading is the best escape and the best way to expand the life you live. I’ve already lived the lives of thousands of other people and I have learned from each of them. I actually might read more.

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

I have always been in control of my life. This is actually quite embarrassing. I have chosen every path I’ve been on. My parents have never forced anything on me and I’m not one to let anyone else force me to do anything. I have controlled the course of my life 100% although I have not chosen the consequences of my actions, I have made all of my own choices and I have decided what I would do with the consequences.

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

Doing the right things. I couldn’t care less if I do the wrong things right (is that even possible?) I focus on doing what I know is right and yes quite often I do the wrong things but when I do the right things I keep trying until I do them exactly right.

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

I always stand up for my friends. I know that sometimes the easiest way to do this is just walking away. I can’t change other’s opinions and I’m tired of trying to. But I will not sit idly by and listen to people tearing down someone who is important to me. I actually don’t think it’s appropriate to tear anyone down, whether I like them or not.

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Abilene from the Help says it best. You is Kind. You is Smart. You is Important. Everyone should know this and it is true for every person when they are first born. What they do with the rest of their lives is up to them.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

This isn’t even a question. Yes, I would do whatever necessary to save my loved ones.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

This happens quite often with me. Even in my own life. Some of the most random and insane things that I have done now appear to be incredibly creative. (who would’ve thought a cardboard box could be so absolutely beautiful as a toy?)

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

Math. I cannot do math by the rules. I have always been able to see an equation and work it out in my head without a problem. But if I sit down and try to work it out the “right” way, I get the wrong answer every time. My mind processes math in an incredibly unique way that I can’t explain but it works for me.

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

Because we have all been lucky enough to be born as unique individuals. For instance, my whole family enjoys playing sports. I detest them. I would rather read a book or act in a play or write. I am the black sheep in my family but when I try and do the things that make them happy we all end up completely miserable. I am my own person therefore my happiness is defined in different ways.

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

I want to completely start over. Move somewhere where no one knows me and be me. Exactly as I really am without fear of people criticizing me for not being who they think I should be. The thing holding me back is my fear. I hate being alone.

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

Yes, I hold on to things in my past that are seemingly unimportant. I have let them define me. This is not a healthy way to live and I’ve been working hard on letting them go.

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

Anywhere in the south. I have always wanted to live in the south because I feel like I would be at home there. I love the culture.

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

Yes I do push it more than once. No I don’t think it makes the elevator go faster. I just like to fidget and I tend to be drawn to buttons.

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

A worried genius. I worry a lot already. It’s who I am. I love people and I worry about them and about anything that may affect them. I would rather be a genius because I can’t abide stupidity.

22. Why are you, you?

I am me because of what I have been. I brought myself here through every choice I’ve made and every emotion I’ve felt. I am me because I have learned from my past and I have let it shape me.

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

No. I am a terrible friend. I tend to be completely selfish in any relationship and I need to improve on that. I would despise myself if I was my friend.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

I’ve never experienced either. My good friends and I may not talk for months or years even. But the moment I need them they are there and if we run into each other we pick up like we haven’t been apart. If someone is really a good friend nothing can change that.

25. What are you most grateful for?

I am most grateful for the gospel. Without this church I would be completely lost. Right now I’m mostly lost but I always have something to fall back on. Even when I think I’m going to stop living the gospel I end up coming back. I’ve tried to walk away and I can’t. It’s the one inevitable truth in my life. No matter how much I struggle or question it, it never changes. The gospel is my rock. But having an amazing family and group of friends is a definite bonus.

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

Losing my old memories would be the worst. Without them I wouldn’t be me.

27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

Yes, although I’m one to challenge things. I absolutely know it’s possible to just know the truth, no questions asked.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?

Over and over. But I have always survived it and come out stronger. And each time I end up with one more guardian angel out there keeping an eye on me.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

Which time? I’m always extremely upset. But I can say that yes some of the times 5 years ago really did matter. But the vast majority of the time they didn’t and they were miniscule immature things to be upset about.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

Any time I spent with my cousins. I can’t pinpoint any one in particular. I’ve always loved the bond I have with my cousins and those memories have stayed with me and gotten me through hard times like nothing else could.

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

The George Strait concert. Is that corny? Yes, but I didn’t care what anyone else thought about me there. I was there to see a man who has greatly influenced my life. I got to hear him sing songs that have gotten me through some of the toughest times and I was genuinely happy.

32. If not now, then when?

In the Lord’s time. It’s not my choice to make. All things come in the Lord’s time and I trust in that.

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

Achieved what yet? I achieve something new every day. As long as I am constantly achieving something and working towards something than there is never anything lost.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

Yes. The people I am closest to in my life don’t have to say anything. We can have an entire conversation by just being in the same room.

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

Because there must be opposition in all things. Love is one of those things and religion has more opposition than anything else because everyone knows that they are right. (Its human nature to hate being wrong) Thus we have war.

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

Yes. Everyone has a moral compass and they have their own view of what is good and what is evil. They can choose to blur those lines if they want to but I think everyone has some sense of good and evil.

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

Yes, I would finish school pay off my loans and start teaching. The job I have now would not be worth holding onto, as it makes me miserable and grouchy.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

Depends on the day. But if I’m going to be doing work either way? I would rather have more work that I enjoy.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

Not really. Every day for me brings on new thoughts and new onslaughts of emotion. I don’t think any two days have ever seemed the same to me.

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

When I decided to take a year off of school. Everyone thought it was a horrid idea. But I knew that it was exactly what I needed.

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

Ross, Shilee, Gram, as many cousins as possible, Katie and Sydney. They are the most important people in the world to me.

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

Are there people that actually say yes to this? Heck no! I want my life to be as long as possible and I think fame and being “extremely attractive” are recipes for disaster and being miserable. I’m good thanks though.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

Being alive means you’re breathing and your heart is beating. Truly living means you’re feeling something.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

The moment you are born. Risk and reward should never influence your decision when it comes to doing what’s right.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

Because we hate failing or feeling like we did something wrong.

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Ha I would be 100% me all the time. I’m doing much better at this lately and I’ve realized that fewer people judge me when I’m true to myself than judge me when I’m trying to be something I’m not.

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

I always listen to myself breathe… so right now as I’m typing this, or as you’re reading it. It’s constant for me.

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

I love emotions. They are so wonderful. Even the most horrid emotion is a gift. I love showing how I feel and I love that I am so good at embracing what I feel. Ha I’ve had a few conversations with people lately where I say something like, “yes, I am over emotional. But I will not change who I am for you”.

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

Ha yes probably I will. I have a really good memory for such things… And I did just see George Strait so that’s pretty easy to remember.

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

I never let other people make my decisions for me. This is my life; I choose how I live it.