Revolving Door

I have been having the hardest time deciding what I want to do with my life. Yes, I am a teacher. Yes, I am a Beachbody coach. I am not feeling super successful as a coach. But, I am feeling even less successful as a teacher!

I recently changed to teaching 5th grade... hoping that it would bring a bit more joy into teaching. That has not happened! In fact, I struggle daily to get myself into work. Why you ask?

As a teacher I feel that everything is my fault. A child is failing? I didn't help them enough (never mind that they haven't turned in a single assignment). Kids are fighting on the playground? I obviously am not watching closely enough. Students are rude and disrespectful? I haven't been doing my job and teaching the proper behavior.

It is incredibly frustrating! I LOVE TEACHING! I love the art of presenting information to students. I love when the light bulb comes one and they "get it"! I love teasing kids and listening to their stories. I love being taught by them! I love feeling like I have a purpose. BUT,  that purpose has been clouded and is almost impossible to find now. I dread going to work and I hate thinking about it. I have nightmares about teaching and am stressed beyond reason.

So what do I do? Quit my dream job? The only thing I have ever wanted to do? Or stay and hate every day? I am at a loss! Some days I say I am done and will never go back... actually most days I do that. But I will also be leaving behind my passion! And it truly is a passion!

Well, I finally came to a decision. I am going to work my Beachbody business. I am going to grow that business and love every minute. Because I get to teach! I get to help people! I get to see them grow and learn to love something new! I get to hear their stories and talk to them.

With Beachbody, I am not giving up my dream job. I'm doing my dream job on my own terms! Does this mean I am quitting my classroom? Not, today. I can't afford to do that yet. But It is on the horizon! I will be able to walk out of the classroom one day and never HAVE to look back. I may end up back in the classroom at some point but it will be because that's what I want more than anything else. And I don't see that happening until something about public education changes!